Pretty Suited

Long gone are the days of your favorite R&B singer crooning in the rain or the driver’s seat about the special ”one” who walked into their life or got away.

From the harmonic groups of Motown to the hotties of the early 00’s, there has always been a formula to making a great love song. It was a skill. Even the songs considered ”toxic” back then such as like “Me and Mrs. Jones” by Billy Paul or “Where I Wanna Be” by Donell Jones weren’t blatantly seen as offensive because of how they made us feel.

Unfortunately, that’s just not the case now.

We recently have seen an influx of both male and female R&B singers taking on a more savage approach to their songs, leaving the audience either infatuated or repulsed. Artists like SZA, Summer Walker, Brent Fiyaz, and (most recently) DVSN have spearheaded this movement of what people are calling “Toxic R&B”. With their songs having heavy hip hop influences, straightforward lyrics, and lack of traditional melodies, many adults over the age of 25 have pointed out the vast differences between today’s R&B and the kind they grew up on.

Whatever your choice, one can’t deny that there is something that can be learned from this new sound taking over the industry.

Here are five lessons anyone (young or old) can learn from “Toxic R&B” :

#5 Believe Them When They Say They’re Not Ready

We’ve all been there. You meet an attractive person who gets your blood flowing, has a great career, is hilariously funny, and has that distinct fragrance that makes you plan out your life together mid-conversation. Yeah, that person.

After several dates, conversations, and maybe even a few late night sessions between the sheets, you begin to wonder if you can actually be together long-term. You ask the familiar question, “What are we?”, but is quickly shut down by their comments of not wanting anything serious or their inability to commit.

Unfortunately, the idea of just having that person around outweighs what is actually being said, and the cycle of cat-and-mouse continues until someone gets tired or heartbroken.

Sounds familiar?

But who is really at fault here? The person who tells the truth about not wanting a commitment or the person who continues to pursue a dead-end?

#4 Women Can be Savages Too

Often times women have been subject to heartache by being cheated on or not even being committed to in the first place. However, the recent wave of women’s sexual liberation has allowed them to explore what they truly like and won’t tolerate.

Whether you agree with the movement or not, having more control over their sexual experiences have given women the freedom to date without the social pressures of having to be attached to a monogamous relationship.

Even the term “savage” has been popularized by artists like Rihanna, who boast about their conquests and ability to be desirable with no strings attached. This flips the script on traditional views and puts women in the driver’s seat when they want to be exclusive, if at all.

#3 Self Preservation Is Key

No one should have to put up with toxicity. Period, point blank. However, those who make the choice to go after someone that is emotionally unavailable should be prepared to deal with the consequences of that choice.

On the other hand, choosing to be non-committal shouldn’t be scrutinized if that is the best decision for that person. By being self aware and understanding one’s limitations, proper communication can happen and everyone can choose whether to meet those needs or not.

It becomes a problem for many though, when the truth is not being told, sneaky links aren’t so sneaky, and more games are being played than the NBA Finals. This type of R&B often promotes these toxic behaviors and the choice to leave is not so easy.

#2 New Friend Me Please

You can’t listen to one toxic R&B song without hearing how someone in the story either cheats with a best friend or someone who should be trusted.

Whether your partner cheats mistakenly after a night of Casamigos or out of revenge for some other wrongdoing, the betrayal hits a little different when it involves someone you hold dear.

While no one thinks that a best friend or family member would do such a thing, often times the red flags were already present. Either way, the emotional toll can be crushing, leaving the the victim jaded in some way.

Therefore, examining your circle and weeding out those who no longer deserve to be there (no matter how long you’ve known them) is a form of self-care. “No New Friends” doesn’t apply here.

#1 Sex Does Not Equal Love

DVSN’s new song “If I Get Caught” describes a man confidently aware of his charm, success, and fast lifestyle; and he knows his woman isn’t going anywhere, despite his infidelity.

With samples taking from Jay-Z’s “Song Cry”, the message already exudes toxic masculinity. However, one could applaud the honest lyrics highlighting the difference between love and sex.

“Just f***in them girls, I was gon’-

I was gon’ get right back”

DVSN-”If I Get Caught”

It’s not uncommon to hear some people describe sex as just an act, rather than an indication of a serious connection or intention to start a relationship; while others may get caught up and develop more feelings after sex is on the table.

There is also the argument of what exactly is a dealbreaker when it comes to walking away from a relationship. Is having sex with someone outside of the relationship crossing the ultimate boundary or is an emotional connection more of a betrayal? Also, is trying to persuade someone through sex worse than having sex with no emotional connection at all?

Many don’t examine how they truly feel about these scenarios until placed in them, then impulse and emotion makes them act out of character.

Bring Back The Old or Welcome In The New

Despite the toxic behaviors sung about in traditional R&B also showcased emotional manipulation, cheating, and heartbreak, they still displayed a vulnerability that was surprisingly romantic.

The nostalgia alone reminds us of simpler times and special people. Even real music lovers remember songs having a bridge portion, complicated vocal runs, and lasting longer than two minutes so that you can clean up to it on a Saturday morning.

However, there is something to admire about these artists finding a new way to create music and carve out their own lanes. Rhythm & Blues is art, toxic or not, and that’s what makes it so beautiful.